Power Exchange, Spanking and Domestic Discipline

Good morning friends and readers!

First, I wanted to say that I can and do write very clean, very sweet romances without sex and without spanking or BDSM elements. I am currently writing one for submission into an anthology. However, most of what you will find under this pen name are books that include power exchange elements and sex.

The number one objective of my books, all of my books, is to have a engaging plot that makes the reader want to keep reading from one page to the next. I hope to develop strong characters that the reader wants to befriend and wishes were real. Everything else is a bonus.

I chose to write under a pen name for several reasons. The biggest reason is because I do write a lot of erotic power exchange type romances. Some people judge that genre pretty harshly. For instance, I’ve seen reviews on several of my peer’s books that show disgust over the fact that the hero of the story has spanked the heroine. All of my books that include this will have a disclaimer, so if that is not something you want to read, you can choose not to purchase the book.

What is a relationship with power exchange? Power exchange is a dynamic where one person gives up control to the other person. The amount of power they give up is negotiated within the confines of the relationship. In the BDSM realm, there are many titles for this. Master and slaves (M/s) tend to have the largest shift in power. A slave often gives over most of their control to their Master. Dominant and submissive (D/s) partners tend to give over less control. Each dynamic is unique to the couple. In some M/s relationships that includes choosing what the other partner wears, eats and does. In many D/s relationships there tends to be more limits on what the Dom can control. The lines may be blurry depending on the individual couple and how they personally define their relationship. Notice- I said, how much control the bottom (submissive, slave etc.) decides they want to give up. In ALL of my books there is CONSENT. The woman decides that she wants this type of relationship dynamic and understands that she can leave at anytime. It is NEVER forced. Consent, Communication and Safety are ALWAYS the focus of healthy power exchange relationships.

Domestic discipline (DD) is comparable to a d/s relationship. In domestic discipline, there is an HOH. Head of the House. The Hoh sets the tone for the relationship. In my books, the HOH is always male. He has a set of rules or expectations for his partner to follow. When the partner doesn’t follow these rules, she gets disciplined. The discipline is often a spanking but can be many different things. Like M/s or D/s a domestic discipline relationship is defined by the partners. In many DD relationships, the power exchange is much less than you would see in a traditional BDSM M/s or D/s relationship.

Why would anyone want to be in this type of relationship? Some of it is physical desires. Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism is arousing to many people. Outside of the physical arousal, power exchange is freeing. I’ve been in practicing BDSM/DD relationships my entire adult life… since I was sixteen actually. One of the biggest draws to me is the open communication that comes with it. In these type of relationships, you are always talking. You talk about what limits you have, what you would like to try, how you feel about what is going on. Another big reason people practice domestic discipline in their relationships is the balance that it brings. When someone messes up, it is dealt with immediately. There are real consequences and afterwards everything is forgiven, there is a clean slate and it isn’t brought up again. There isn’t weeks of guilt, snapping at each other or awkwardness. There is no pouting, silent treatments or yelling matches. That is extremely freeing. In most relationships in life, someone is in charge. You have a boss at work and a set of rules. You can’t drop the F bomb in a meeting with a client or you will be fired. Rules and consequences. It is everywhere you look. In power exchange relationships, such as domestic discipline, that concept carries over into the intimate partnership of a couple.

For us, a domestic discipline relationship accomplishes many things. It accomplishes balance, harmony, better communication and passion. After many conversations with friends, I have found that our sex life is much more active than most in our age group, I often wonder if our power exchange dynamic plays into that.

Power Exchange is very sexy to me. One of the reasons why I enjoy writing about it, besides having lived it myself, is the beauty behind it. Power exchange is two consenting adults negotiating the way they want their relationship to look. Some of my novels, the exchange is 51% to 49% these are often domestic discipline stories. The man has rules or expectations and if the woman doesn’t follow them, she finds herself over his knee.

Some of the more BDSM themed books are more of a 60/40 split. I rarely write Master/slave books and tend to stick to the confines of Dominant/submissive. There will be times when I write harder, darker bdsm M/s books, those will come with lots of disclaimers.

I have found that in giving up some control, you gain mass amounts of freedom. The forgiveness and open lines of communication that come with domestic discipline or bdsm relationships, done correctly and safely, is absolutely beautiful. I will never encourage domestic violence, abuse or manipulation nor will any of my books suggest such things. I abhor how some of the media has made these types of relationships out to be abusive, when, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. It is my hope that when reading my novels you can see the romance in the dance in what we call power exchange.

One of the biggest misnomers about submissive women is that they are weak. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My heroines are feisty, strong and intelligent. They are not doormats or have submissive personalities. They don’t give their submission easily, the man has to earn it and continue to earn it. They aren’t submissive to just anyone or lots of anyone’s, only to ONE person. My heroines often don’t even know they have the capability or desire to submit until it is waived in front of them and they taste the delicious freedom that comes with that submission. Don’t ever mistake submission for weakness.

Some of my heroes are in very traditionally masculine jobs- police officers, military and firefighters. They have big muscles and a lot of physical strength.

Some of my heroes are geeky. They are super intelligent and quite. They are thin in stature but not weak, never weak.

My men all have one thing in common- they are in charge in their relationship. They are not abusive, they are not mean or cruel. They are consistent in their dominance and steady in their leadership. They adore the heroine they are paired with and always put her and her needs first. They are respectful, thoughtful and make amazing partners.

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